This post was originally published as part of the Money Forward Engineer Advent Calendar 2025 on December 25th.
Introduction#
I haven’t decided what to write about specifically, but I’m just going to start putting my thoughts down. I debated whether this belongs on a company blog, but since it touches on career topics, I figured it’s fine. The important thing is to start writing. Target audience? Nobody in particular. Maybe my future self.
I considered organizing this into a clean structure, but I didn’t have the confidence to pull that off. Sometimes it’s okay to just write freely.
On a personal note, I just turned 25 last month. It’s a round number, and it feels like a milestone of sorts. So here I am, looking back on the life I’ve lived so far and holding a wandering mental meeting about what the next 25 years – up to age 50 – should look like.
My Ability to See Ahead Has Gradually Improved#
Honestly, I haven’t spent much time thinking about the long term. In kindergarten and elementary school, I probably only thought about tomorrow. In middle school, with regular exams, I could plan about a month ahead. In high school, as my identity started forming and university entrance exams loomed, I could look a few years into the future.
By the time I graduated high school, I’d say my “future planning horizon” was about three years.
After entering the workforce, that range expanded a bit. I can now vaguely think three to five years ahead, though the resolution is much coarser compared to the one-to-three-year range.
Living a Life Within Expectations#
It’s been almost two years since I entered the working world. And right now, I’m within the “observable range” of the future that my university-age self imagined.
For better or worse, things haven’t deviated much from what I expected back then. In other words, I’m living a life within expectations.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I’d say I’m quite fortunate. No major failures, no financial hardship, doing work I enjoy, living a happy life.
Yet There’s This Nagging Feeling of “Something’s Missing”#
Despite all that, I feel restless. Walking along this safe path in life gives me a sense of anxiety – a kind of impatience, a feeling that “this isn’t quite it.”
It’s not that I dislike stability. I don’t want to be unhappy. I think what I’m feeling is the absence of a “story” – a lack of stimulation.
Viewing Life as a Game#
Since university, I’ve started viewing my life with a bit of detachment. I have this sense of treating life like a game.
Right now, I’m probably somewhere in the middle of the game. The tutorial is over. I’ve gotten used to the controls. I have a decent understanding of the strategies.
The choices I make at this stage will significantly change the ending.
If I Keep Going Like This#
If I stay on this trajectory, work-wise, my role might change through promotions, job changes, or project shifts, but I’ll probably keep working as an engineer.
In my personal life, I’ll likely get married around 30, have a couple of kids, get swept up in parenting, and suddenly find myself at 40. My 40s will probably still revolve around raising children. Paying for education might be tough, but by then I should be earning enough that it won’t be a problem – as long as I’m not living in Tokyo. By 50, the kids will have graduated college and entered the workforce, reaching the same age I am now.
Wait – life goes by that fast?
The Reality of 56 Remaining Years#
The average lifespan for Japanese men is 81. 81 − 25 = 56. I have 56 years left. I’ve already used up a third of my life.
When I saw that number, two feelings hit me simultaneously: the sense of having wasted time, and the realization that there’s less time left than I thought.
The Question of What “Enjoy” Means#
I approach life with a gaming mindset. I want to maximize enjoyment and reach the end – not so much “game clear” as a satisfying “game over.” But what does “enjoy” actually mean?
Is it having many happy moments? Or is it accumulating choices that feel like my own? Maybe the search for that answer is itself the purpose of life.
My Current Hypothesis#
I don’t have a conclusion yet. But I do have one hypothesis right now.
Games are more fun when they’re harder. So maybe life is more enjoyable when it’s harder too. Perhaps choosing the difficult path, again and again, is what makes life truly interesting.
I don’t know if this intuition is correct. That’s exactly why I’m leaving these thoughts here at age 25.
I look forward to seeing how my future self reacts when reading this.
